Many factors can underlie the decision to be unfaithful. For example, the two of you may not have noticed that you had become distant. Often, partners feel distant from the other and begin to imagine that the other does not care. Nothing that your partner has done in the past defines your worth as an individual now.
Infidelity undermines the very foundation of marriage in many ways. It causes heartbreak and devastation, loneliness, feelings of betrayal, and confusion to one or both spouses in a marriage. Being betrayed by a loved one can often be traumatic.
For true and authentic healing, this process has to be a two-way street. This takes different amounts of patience and grace from person to person and couple to couple, and that’s perfectly fine. If you truly want to know how to rebuild trust, you have to talk about how you’re feeling. If you’re upset about something your partner did that made you not want to trust them, tell them about it. Discuss it deeply so there’s a strong understanding of why the trust is gone. Sometimes people cheat because they’re feeling unappreciated and unloved. Maybe the relationship has broken down and they’re struggling to cope – they have one too many drinks and the betrayal happens.
And lastly, as Page explains, being cheated on can offer us one upside, and that’s learning to listen to your intuition in a deeper way. “These wounds can be healed, but they need to be healed with a great filipina brides deal of trust, ongoing conversation, and usually deep support,” Page says. “Understand that it will be a vulnerable point, and make space for that in your conversation with your new partner.” Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
- Sarah Regan is a Spirituality & Relationships Editor, a registered yoga instructor, and an avid astrologer and tarot reader.
- Since it takes time to rebuild trust, they need to put in a lot of effort and be patient.
- Lack of physical touch increases a sense of distance for some couples.
- Regardless of your ties to your significant other, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to continue the relationship.
If you’ve cheated, your partner may have a lot of questions about what exactly happened. And you might want to answer them in an effort to be transparent. Whatever happened, it’s important to make it clear that what they did wasn’t OK. But knowing the reasons behind their actions may help you decide whether you’re able to begin rebuilding the trust you once shared. A person who feels as if her life has been instantaneously ripped apart by the discovery that a trusted partner is cheating may be experiencing a form of emotional trauma. The brain often unconsciously resurrects defense mechanisms to protect a person from having to re-experience sudden and unpredictable emotional anguish. One of these defense mechanisms includes anticipating the negative event in the future.
Does the pain of being cheated on ever go away?
But, some people still want to stay with their partner and fix their relationship after being cheated on. If you’re reading this, chances are you don’t want to give up on your marriage and wonder if you can rebuild trust and salvage your marriage. There’s no easy way to talk about cheating and no magic method to rebuild trust.
But also understand that you’re human and you’re born to make mistakes
Express gratitude often for what is right about the relationship. If you both are comfortable with hugging again, do make that a part of your daily rituals. Lack of physical touch increases a sense of distance for some couples. When someone falls in love with an outside person, they throw caution to the winds and do not weigh how much they may hurt the partner to whom they are committed. Neither of you could anticipate the devastation this has created. Of course, this does not make sense though most partners will feel that they did still love the other. I don’t understand how anyone who loved me could do cheat on me.
If your partner was unfaithful, offer forgiveness when you are able. Even though you might have a deep desire to understand what has happened, don’t go into the intimate details of the affair right away. Doing so without the guidance of a professional, such as a marriage counselor, might be harmful.
Why do people lie in relationships, and can the relationship survive?
To heal the wounds and to rebuild the trust, you should not take the relationship for granted. Instead, you have to show your partner that you are there to work as a team. The partner who betrayed should not blame the faithful partner or the third party for their mistake. There may be several reasons for infidelity, but the cheating partner cannot use them as excuses to justify their behavior.
How you find out about an affair can compound the stress of dealing with it further. But if you want to save your relationship, it is possible, and you’re allowed to want that. If you’re the cheating partner, you can’t make the decision to fix the relationship. But if your partner is committed to finding a way forward, there are things you’ll need to do. Remember that the discomfort you feel is likely amplified for the person on the receiving end. The partner who is betrayed must remember to be kind to themselves, especially when they’re having a bad day and ruminating about their partner’s infidelity. For instance, you could be cleaning out your closet and see the shirt that you wore when you found out about the betrayal and suddenly go into a tailspin.
’ Struggling with these intrusive thoughts and not knowing what to do can be devastating. Cheating may be an immediate deal-breaker for some people. This process cannot be rushed, so be gentle with yourself. Cheating does not mean your partner has no right to privacy anymore. It’s not healthy to demand that they share their cell phone or social media passwords with you, or constantly check up on them and make them prove that they are telling you the truth. What you share with each other is still a decision for each of you to make. Again, it will be your choice to trust or not trust your partner.
